Black leggings, white tank top, UGG boots, high ponytail, scrunchie, Starbucks Iced Caramel Macchiato in one hand, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos bag in the other. She walks in from one side.
Baggy jeans, thrifted baby tee, Adidas Sambas, wired earbuds, Labubu keychain, matcha latte in one hand, a Joan Didion book in the other. He walks in from the other side.
The game is on.
It’s the battle of the century. Pick Me Girl goes head-on against Performative Male for the very first time in history. They haven’t been introduced to each other yet. Wait…she’s about to say something to him, but he probably won’t hear her because he’s blasting Clairo music from his earbuds right now. I’ll just do the introductions for you.
Pick Me Girl has the upper hand right now. She’s been here for almost a decade and knows all of the oldest tricks in the book. When she first became popular on Twitter in 2016, no one knew who she was, but she’s taken the world by storm.
Her abilities are unique, and I’d say she has a pretty good chance against Performative Male. She’s just SO different from other women. You won’t even see her coming! That’s one of her biggest superpowers: the ability to lurk in corners, acting subtle and diminished before she viciously attacks you. Don’t underestimate Pick Me Girl. She might look physically small, but she has a mighty attitude that will knock you off your feet with a single look. Her strength lies in deception. She’ll purposefully denounce herself and other women, but she’s not doing this to make herself weaker; she’s doing it to make herself stronger. While you’re busy doing your makeup, she’s busy watching a football game with teams she’s never heard of. Every rejection of femininity boosts her vitality.
Of course, she could never have done this alone. Pick Me Girl has an entire army of boys behind her. Poor little boys. She’s lured them with her charm and programmed them to follow her like she’s their queen. All she had to do was compare hand sizes and claim to be one of “the boys” to secure their male validation.
“How could Performative Male even stand a chance against her?” you might ask. As powerful as Pick Me Girl is, her opponent has a few tricks of his own. Almost a decade after Pick Me Girl dominated the internet, Performative Male decided that it was time to give the guys their own version. Although they might seem like polar opposites, what with the chaotic energy of Pick Me Girl and the laid-back aura of Performative Male, they’re actually similar in every aspect. Performative Male’s uses strategic imitation to defeat his foe. He can mirror every move of Pick Me Girl in a seemingly subdued manner.
Don’t let his soft attitude fool you. It’s powerful in its own way. It explains why the entire world has been affected by his presence: matcha shortages, soaring Labubu prices, and captivated women. Just as Pick Me Girl weaponizes her feigned boyishness, Performative Male uses calculated delicacy to the same effect. He doesn’t really like the grassy taste of matcha, he doesn’t quite understand what feminist literature is saying, and he would much rather be blasting rap music. But it’s all a performance that ends when he receives enough female validation.
While Pick Me Girl has a group of boys following her around, Performative Male has his own mini-army of girls. Emphasis on the word mini. Interestingly enough, Performative Male doesn’t seem to be getting as much female approval as he would like. Part of the reason comes from the fact that the world has already seen it before. History has simply repeated itself. Once the public pierced through the cunning facade of Pick Me Girl, it became almost immune to the influence of Performative Male. No matter how many cups of matcha he drinks, how many feminist books he borrows, or how many tote bags he carries, he will forever be stuck in the unfortunate position of an internet meme. So to all my performative males out there: sorry, but you came too late.
Given this, you might think that Pick Me Girl has easily won the fight. But the truth is that no one actually wins the game. In fact, the biggest losers are us. We’ve all been gullible at one point, unable to differentiate between red flags and genuine attraction. At the end of the day, it’s just another societal performance that we can’t stop scrolling past.
Sources
Hariri, Iman. “What’s a Pick-Me Girl? – Pick-Me Girl Definition.” Cosmopolitan Magazine, 24 June 2024, https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a42134933/what-is-a-pick-me-girl-definition/. Accessed 2 September 2025.
Richards, Sylvie. ““Pick me. Choose me. Love me.”: The evolution of the “pick-me girl.”” Student Life Newspaper, 28 February 2024, https://www.studlife.com/forum/2024/02/28/pick-me-choose-me-love-me-the-evolution-of-the-pick-me-girl. Accessed 2 September 2025.
Steinberg, Kayla. “Matcha faces shortage, higher prices, tariffs.” NBC News, 5 August 2025, https://www.nbcnews.com/business/consumer/matcha-shortage-higher-prices-tariffs-rcna223111. Accessed 2 September 2025.
Stock, Nicole. “How Do You Spot a ‘Performative’ Male? Look for a Tote Bag.” The New York Times, 14 August 2025, https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/14/style/performative-men.html. Accessed 2 September 2025.
Ward, Terry. “The ‘Pick-me’ girl, explained.” CNN, 29 November 2023, https://www.cnn.com/2023/11/29/health/pick-me-girls-wellness/index.html. Accessed 2 September 2025.