Previously published December 4, 2021.
Rufus, as everyone knows, is our beloved school mascot, deity, and patron god. His strength is our strength, and his wisdom is our wisdom. But in a shocking and devastating turn of events, his glorious reign has come to an abrupt end. The bloodied carcass of Rufus was sighted by a Bunion journalist in the front office.
“His glorious heavy mane lay limp on the ground and the whimsical shine in his eye that was so reminiscent of my now deceased father became deceased just like my now deceased father…” (Anonymous). The journalist has been provided with therapy sessions for their sacrifice for the pursuit of knowledge.
But, from tragedy comes revolution. Was Rufus really who we thought he was? After extensive DNA testing, cat hair tasting, and multiple accounts from experts in the field, it was revealed that Rufus was not an animal, but a costume worn by a farce! This beloved symbol has now become a dirty splatter on the spotless red-gray-black walls of BISV.
After taking several days to recuperate from the heavy shock, the now battle-hardened journalists return to question the possible suspects behind the deceit (these suspects are unaware of our suspicion).
“Head of Rufus”, taken at the crime scene.
“What is the truth behind Rufus? What is BISV hiding from us?”
Ms. Mujic pushed out a simperingly sweet message that was curiously innocent. “Let me see.. who really is Rufus? Rufus is uh… someone who brings a lot of spirit and joy to our school, and there is nothing more I can really say.” Clearly gaslighting. (victims, please reference this link: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/gaslighting-phrases-people-say-manipulate_l_6086e9f3e4b09cce6c14a351)
“What is your response to the recent allegations of pretending to be Rufus?”
Mr. Vermouth took a suspiciously long time thinking of an answer, finally pushing out a flimsy, “I’m too tall.” Then, he targeted one of the journalists asking him by suggesting that they sign up for Rufus because they were “much better suited for the height requirement”.
(Any other teacher who was asked mysteriously turned a corner and disappeared before we were able to track them down)
We also have an account from young Aditi Pallavali, an interested party on the subject. With a maniacal glint in her eyes, she says, “I’ve been pursuing a suspect of mine for a while now, and I know who it is. The killer of Rufus is-”(this is the end of her quote, as she unfortunately collapsed before finishing her sentence). On an unrelated note, young children, please do not drink four cups of coffee a day without ensuring a secure and speedy line to the hospital.
