Breaking News: Explosion in the Chemistry Department Puts Into Doubt the Safety of Chemical

Over the weekend, our own empty BISV was rocked by a devastating disaster of classroom-sized proportions. The chemical storage area behind the chemistry lab was torn open by a sonorous explosion that ripped apart many of the containers within it. The extent of the damage was only discovered after the sleepy students in P0 O-Chem discovered acid oozing out from beneath a crack in the door into their classroom on Monday morning. Thankfully, not a single soul was injured, but the cost of repairing the damage may lead to significant hikes in tuition. 

The exact events of the incident are still being pieced together, but what is already known has put doubt into the minds of BISV residents regarding the actions of the BISV administration. Following the hasty completion of the Organic Chemistry lab on Friday, which failed to allow a thorough cleanup of the room, many of the experiments’ chemicals were unceremoniously stuffed into the chemistry storage area without proper sealing. 

On Monday morning, an investigation by the San Jose Fire Department discovered that the shiny silver metal, which the instructor had claimed was inert iron, was actually highly reactive sodium! When in the presence of water, these bits of sodium can produce a dangerous explosion. 

How none of the students managed to get injured during the lab is still a mystery, as are the exact causes of the explosion. But it is assumed that sometime during the weekend, the sodium somehow found its way into an unsealed jug of distilled H2O, setting off a fiery reaction that has now turned the area into a municipally recognized chemical waste disaster relief zone. 

Was this an accident, or an act of deliberate sabotage? Here’s what the faculty witnesses of the disaster had to say.

Mr. Kent: “It was definitely an accident.”

Dr. Covert: “Oh yeah, definitely an accident.”

Dr. Bozidarevic: “It was an unfortunate accident.”

The remaining interviewees have asked that their names be hidden to avoid possible retribution.

Unnamed 8th grader: “Oh yeah, definitely sabotage.”

Unnamed 8th grader: “Some sinister force was clearly behind this.”

Unnamed 8th grader: “It was the SPRING EDUCATION DEEP STATE! THEY WERE…”

Intriguingly, he disappeared from sight the very next moment before I could inquire further, and the next day he came to me and assured me that what he had said the day before was, and I quote, “skibidi baloney.”

The BISV administration has repeatedly told me that the incident was nothing more than an unfortunate accident. They have asked me to return in a few days to receive a more in-depth official response. In the meantime, some answers can be ascertained from the makeup of the translucent solution which at present still covers a conspicuous corner of the third floor around the C stairwell. 

For one, it was discovered that a full 7 percent of that concoction was sulfuric acid, a dangerous, corrosive chemical. The alleged connection between this fact and the massive holes in many O-chem students’ shoes is still under investigation. However, what is clear is that the amount of sulfuric acid in the storage compartment far exceeded the amount recommended even for college laboratories. When the SWAT team, clothed in Hazmat suits, sifted through the wreckage and fallen shelves, they found a few containers labeled H2SO4 still intact and sealed, having miraculously survived the explosion, yet had somehow become half-empty. This evidence suggests that a sizable amount of H2SO4 had already been used before the explosion. The question is, who was using it? And for what purpose? I asked those at the scene of the disaster this same question.

Dr. Covert: “Well, I know it wasn’t me!”

Mr. Kent: “If it was me, all that acid would have been gone already!”

Dr. Bozidarevic: “It was an unfortunate accident.”

As before, the remaining respondents have asked to remain anonymous.

Unnamed 8th grader: “I didn’t even know that was there!”

Unnamed 8th grader: “I mean, I don’t know what you want me to say … ahh! My foot!”

Random 6th grader: “Skibidi sigma.”

Unnamed 8th grader: “Well, sulfuric acid does react quite violently with water and a variety of other compounds … not like I’ve ever tried using it before. Well, actually, maybe I have, once, but it wasn’t in school! Well, I mean, it was in The Grove, but that can’t possibly count, right? That’s … wait, that’s on campus?! Well, I have definitely never used sulfuric acid before. Why did that come off sarcastic … STOP RECORDING!!”

After the end of the recording, the student gathered himself, wiped away the urine from the floor, and calmly explained that he had never before heard of sulfuric acid.

The BISV administration refused to respond to questions regarding sulfuric acid.

One final area of note: the National Nuclear Energy Commission, over the weekend, reported a major spike in radiation coming from the intersection of Parkmoor and Race Street. The official response of BISV is that the radiation comes from the badminton center across the street. Indeed, investigators found trace amounts of uranium and radium in that building. But when they searched for security camera footage, none could be found.

This Story was Last Updated on February 27th, 2025.