Food for Thought on My Green Lunch

My Green Lunch. Oh, the horrors. We were promised healthy, nourishing meals, but that idea seems to have been lost somewhere between the planning and the kitchen. What was supposedly a nourishing, eco-friendly experience for growing children who desperately need their nutrients, especially after a long day of turmoil, has now become a question of whether or not we will live to see tomorrow with each bite. 

The chicken, if you can still call it that, looks like it’s protesting its own existence. Each bite is a reminder that somewhere along the way, a chef has given up on the possibility that this meal had the potential to look even remotely presentable. It’s as if the chicken itself is acting out in one final act of rebellion to retain as little moisture as possible. 

Even the vegetables (how can you possibly mess up unseasoned vegetables?) look like plastic. The flavor really makes you ponder upon how these lovely pieces of work were brought into existence. Were they frozen? Simply way overcooked, perhaps? Or maybe that one chef who had given up all hope had simply left it forgotten on the stove. 

One misclick when ordering my lunch for the week and I’m left with a gluten-free hamburger that challenges the very concept of a hamburger. It’s nothing but a bun and a patty as dry as my humor. No sauce, no seasoning, not even any of those sad vegetables I had complained so much about just a paragraph ago. Who would’ve thought that I would come to miss those? However, as much as I may pray to a higher being to send something, anything, that would make my “hamburger” worth eating, I look back down and all I can see is a sad assembly of ingredients that barely qualifies as food. Even the top part of the bun had toppled off of the depressing structure as if it were trying to escape its fate. Bon appétit? 

But enough about my opinions; let’s see what our fellow My Green Lunchers have to say about these absolutely delectable, five-star meal options:

• “It’s edible… with digestive consequences.” – Allyson Y.
• “Besides the lack of flavor, lack of texture, and lack of affordability, I highly recommend My Green Lunch to those who are too happy with their lives!” – Nathan Z.
• “Perfect for when you need to cry over your failing grades.” – Sarah Z.
• “Definitely decreasing my lifespan with that.” – Aneesh K.
• “It was not enough food for a man of my weight class.” – Liam T.
• “My Green Lunch provides lackluster edible matter which has committed numerous abhorrent war crimes against my taste buds. The salads tend to be unsatisfactory and [the] hot meals have a dearth of nutritional value.” – Eric L.

Overall, My Green Lunch is an interesting phenomenon in the way that one might find a psychological experiment on how much disappointment one can physically experience in one lunch period interesting. But hey, at least it’s a conversation starter! If you ever find the need to bond with someone over questionable life decisions, there you go! Just whip out that delicious patty and bun combo and watch that friendship skyrocket. So if you’re a current or future My Green Luncher, remember to bring some extra napkins for your tears the next time you order! Good luck and have fun, brave people…