Bunion: Back to School Transitions

Previously Published Oct 6. 2021

Disclaimer: The Bunion is not responsible for any bad grades, missed homework, and/or angry teachers. May you always read a Bunion and never have a Bunion.

“Le ta c’est moi”

were the fateful words that rang out of the formidable speakers standing in the front of our great school. Children flailed in like a sea of glimmering pink salmon as their limbs were strewn across the cobbled stone-like crushed mottled roses. The epic scene of Moses’s parting of the Red Sea was far from one’s mind, while this pulsating disaster spread around the front of the school like an infectious pandemic. The brave Ms. Kolb stood alone in front of the flood of cars as solemn as a figure in a Northern Renaissance painting. Children stood frozen by the chaos, and everyone had only one thought in their minds. BISV was indeed entering a new dynasty.

The abrupt return to regular life has led to significant reform in BISV, and of course, new rules. Students, new and returning, please pay special attention, for your behavior and conduct will determine how the rest of your precious time at BISV goes.

1. Always bow down and pay respects to any relics of our Saint, Rufus the Bobcat (this applies to any pictures, records, or remnants of his physical body lying around the school). Proper worship ritual consists of skipping around in a circle and chanting the syllabus of your favorite class. Still, if one is in a hurry, it is acceptable to pay respect by maintaining direct eye contact with the picture/relic until one is out of the hall. 
2. You must be able to recognize the sacred face of Rufus at any time. If you are currently not able, use the photo below to familiarize yourself (The Bunion recommends sticking this photo on your locker wall so you can see it every day).
3. Important note: if you find any random relics lying around (for example, his tail), please contact the school. We repeat, if you find his tail, contact the school.
4. Do not drink from water fountains.  
5. Memorize the new addition to the Bunion Catalog (Section 1: History of BISV): “After a disastrous first few days of carline pick-up, separate pick-up times were designated for the lower and upper schoolers. Those chaotic days serve as a reminder of our quaint-sized campus. Chatter drowned out the shouts of staff who tried to control the traffic, and children had to push and shove to make their way to their parents. Clubs had not started yet, so there was no way to decrease the number of students crowding outside the building. It was even more impossible to send them all out at exactly 4:00 P.M. For the next trimester or so; a new schedule was implemented. Classes would all be 5 minutes shorter so lower schoolers could be released right at 3:10 P.M. As for the upper schoolers? They were assigned to attend mandatory office hours during  3:15-3:45 P.M. There was lots of mixed feedback on this new system. Teachers expressed their distaste for shorter periods, and upper schoolers wished to have the earlier pick-up time slot. However, as time went on, everyone got used to it, and now it’s nothing but a minor inconvenience, now immortalized in the pages of The Quill.”

Always seeking to provide various views as perfect stewards of journalism, we asked several students and teachers for their thoughts on these matters. 

First, Mr. Vermouth is one of the most eloquent and thoughtful members of our school administration. As the Director of Student Affairs, I never feel afraid of asking him questions or seeking emotional support. For example, when asked about his devotion to the school and the students’ mental health, Mr. Vermouth replied, “Leave me alone.”

On second thought, Ms. Mujic is also a great choice.

Next, Ava Y., an ambitious junior with fabulous hair, chimed in on the topic, “I love BISV; it makes me the happiest. The happiest little girl in the pile.”

We concluded this brief interview with the blushing Jessie W. “Sometimes, I think about BISV  and smile a little bit. Then, my heart lights up.”  

We are very sure that everyone has reacted with perfect happiness and compliance with these new rules! However, please follow with great diligence since it will be vital to restoring the old atmosphere of the BISV we know and love (Already in the halls, we can see drooping eyelids, jaundiced eyes, and dark eyebags 😊).