Bunion: Miscellaneous New Years

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Previously published Feb 16. 2022

Disclaimer: The Bunion is not responsible for any bad grades, missed homework, and/or angry teachers. May you always read a Bunion and never have a Bunion.

Greetings my wonderful Bunion babies (and adults too, absolutely no judgment if you are reading this at the ripe age of 30 or more), a new year dawns upon all, showering us in baby pink and gloriously golden light. Today is your morning, annual, and weekly news from the Bunion, don’t lose your head processing what we speak!
New personalities take form in our shriveled tender corpses as we step forth into 2022, a year sure to be filled with positivity, productivity, optimism, and capitalism. (we support you Jeff Bezos!)

But as we move into this new year, it is important to keep this wise quote in mind, “Lord, save Russia and bring her peace”, voiced by our dear intelligent Tsar Nicholas II, also known as the last emperor of Russia. Born in the fateful year of 1868, Nicholas would surely be with us today if he had tried a little harder, but alas he did not (bullets are unfortunately quite prone to blowing holes).

Thus,  the Bunion office has decided to honor him by dedicating this silly article to him. Long live Tsar Nicholas II and his lustrous silken mustache (even if he is dead)!
Upon this month of January we must all make sure to emulate our best Renaissance woman (yes that tiny man you see at 3 am in the morning is real, and yes he is actually Elon Musk, the elusive self-made billionaire!).

• Live, love, laugh
• Question your existence in this universe.
• Adopt Dobby.
• Angst about school.
• Be feminism
• Rejoice.

On a separate, completely unrelated piece of advice for the New Year, never start writing something that has your name on it at 1 a.m.  in the morning. Thank you for your time and good night.