The Bunion’s Guide to Celebrating Valentine’s Day by Yourself

Previously published Feb 26. 2021

Disclaimer: The Bunion is not responsible for any bad grades, missed homework, angry teachers, and/or broken hearts this Valentine’s Day. May you always read The Bunion and never actually have a bunion.

Valentine’s Day is a day where couples all over the world exchange gifts and spend time with each other doing whatever lovey-dovey couples stuff that couples usually do. However, what about all the people who are all alone on this day? Whether it’s because you’re too shy to confess to your crush, you refuse to love anyone other than yourself, or other miscellaneous reasons, no one should feel lonely on Valentine’s Day – which is why this handy guide exists!

1. Make some treats for yourself. Cookies, chocolate, whatever you like. If you happen to be too lazy to make it yourself, then buy it. Make sure to eat whatever you make or buy, though. You definitely don’t want anyone stealing your food later.
2. If you’re too lazy to make or buy food for yourself, then borrow some from your friends or family and never return it. It is advised that you borrow from someone with similar food preferences as you since you could end up eating food that is unsatisfactory to your tastes. Try not to get caught, though.
3. Hang out with your other single friends. If your friends are all busy or you simply do not know of the concept called “friends,” then take out your comfort stuffed animal and hug it for as long as you want. You know, the one that you’ve hidden under your bed to avoid those judging glances from the rest of your family. There’s no point in trying to hide it, we all know you have one. Everyone has one. No exceptions.
4. Do what you normally enjoy. Watch some TV shows, listen to music, play your favorite games. If doing this does not help against your battle with loneliness, watch a show where the main character goes through worse experiences than you. Then you can silently reassure yourself that your life isn’t as bad as it could be.
5. If none of this makes you feel any less lonely, then cry. If you still feel a need to avoid the judging glances from the rest of your family members, hide in your room or the bathroom. Soundproof walls are advised if you decide to follow this piece of advice. Please note this should only be used as a last-ditch attempt.