ASK RUFUS!

Previously published Jan 16. 2022

You might remember our article regarding the death of Rufus from the last Bunion publication. Anyways, today we are introducing Ask Rufus, the newest accommodation from The Quill about the secret questions and problems students have! Paw-written responses from Rufus will personally answer most of your questions depending on his mood. For our first showing, we have decided to let you get to know Rufus. These questions have been submitted from our very own students, and were carefully selected from the Ask Rufus box in front of the school. Enjoy!

About Rufus

Q: “Hi Rufus, how are you?”
Rufus: “Good, but more importantly, Jeremy Renner is also looking good ;).”

Q: “How old are you?”
Rufus: “Seventy-three. ”

Q: “Wassup Rufus: On a scale from 1 to 10, how in love are you with Timothee Chalamet?”
Rufus: “Timothee Chalamet’s hotness can’t be quantified by a simple 1 to 10 scale.”
*Note: This question caused Rufus great emotional distress. Out of respect for his boundaries, please do not mention Timothee Chalamet again.

Q: “What music do you listen to?”
Rufus: “Cat ASMR <3”

Politics

Q: “Is Rufus a Democrat? How Does Rufus feel about the current state of hyperpolarization?”
Rufus: “I don’t know about that, but Ryan Reynolds is hot.”

Deep Thoughts

Q: “Why does life just kind of suck sometimes?”
Rufus: “Life has to suck sometimes for life to be good sometimes.”

Q: “Why do people celebrate you on your birthday even though your mom did all the hard work?”
Rufus: “Our moms have done a lot for us. They gave birth to us and raised us. They do deserve to be celebrated on Mother’s Day. I like to think of birthdays as a fun way to see how far we’ve come. On my third birthday, I was stuffing bobcat-friendly crayons into my mouth. Now, I can write these responses to you guys and stuff my face with bobcat-friendly cake and ice cream. Birthdays are great for reflecting how much we’ve grown, remembering past memories, and eating a ton of cake!”

Q: “Is it ok to be kind to people who are not kind to you?”
Rufus: “Some would consider being kind to those that are mean to you to be the greatest form of selflessness. However, Rufus suggests avoiding the people that make you upset.”

And that’s all for this week. We encourage you to continue to put questions into the ASK Rufus box! We accept all questions! Most questions! Appropriate questions!