Rufusmas Tales

Previously published Feb 16. 2022

Disclaimer: The Bunion is not responsible for any bad grades, missed homework, and/or angry teachers. May you always read a Bunion and never have a Bunion.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and Rufus was scurrying around his cave, preparing gifts for the little critters of the forest. Tomorrow the bobcats would not feed on the inhabitants of the woods; instead, they would celebrate the joyous holiday together. And Rufus had a very important job: he was to dress up as Santa Claws and deliver presents to every single good little animal in the woods. With that in mind, Rufus went to bed, determined to make the next day the most special one of the year.

Rufus arose bright and early and threw on his white mane and festive hat. He grabbed his red sack full of goodies for the tiny critters on his nice list and trotted out of his cave. While everyone was still asleep, Rufus scurried to every den, dam, nest, and burrow in the forest, carefully placing gifts before the young ones could wake up. Once he had crossed everyone off the list, Rufus hurried home to prepare for his friends’ arrival at his sumptuous Christmas feast.

On the way back to his cave, Rufus realized he forgot all about the tree! He spied a Christmas tree patch just a while away and made a beeline for it. He snuck into the field and prowled around in search of a suitable tree. It couldn’t be too bushy, but it couldn’t be too bare. All of a sudden, Rufus turned the corner and there he saw it. The perfect Christmas tree! He was ready to lug it back home, but then a farmer spotted his bright red clothing and white mane. With a rope tied to the tree in his jaws, Rufus froze. The two engaged in a stare-off, neither one backing down. But as soon as the farmer blinked, Rufus made out like a bandit!

With the stolen tree settled in his cave, Rufus grinned proudly, showing all his canines. He started decorating it with pine cone garlands, flowers, and fruits. He started roasting berries over his fire and prepared claw clipper presents for his bobcat friends, placing them under the tree carefully. Time passed, and before Rufus knew it, all his friends and family had arrived (don’t worry, they were all masked up!). One by one, they all sat before Rufus’ vegan feast and purred in excitement.

Rufus stood up and let out a tiny roar, ready to deliver his speech: “Dear friends and family, I am so glad you could join me for this joyous occasion! You were all there for me when I was at my lowest, losing all my savings and my 401k retirement funds in a very convincing, multi-faceted pyramid scheme. As you can see, I have done a 180 with your help, completely recovering from my financial troubles. I’ve had absolutely no problems with acquiring the tree and preparing the traditional Christmas feast. I know you’re all used to the usual rabbit and squirrel dinner, but I have since changed my ways. I have discovered the joys of veganism, and I hope you all enjoy this delicious spread of mouth-watering berries and fruits. Once again, this is not related at all to any sort of financial problems. Come on, dig in everyone!!!”

The bobcats all threw off their masks and sunk their teeth into the juicy, healthy meal. With everyone’s plates licked clean, they all headed out of the cave to gather in the middle of the forest. Rufus lit a great bonfire and they all drank hot(vegan) apple juice and fell asleep under the warmth of the bonfire. It was a perfect Christmas for Rufus.