Despair? Be Aware…

“Today I will be passing out the tests,” says your teacher nonchalantly. A sinking feeling and a pit in your stomach engrosses you. Your mind is littered with self-doubt as the teacher passes out the test: “There’s no way I passed this”… “Curve, please carry!”… “Do you think the teacher believes in mercy?” Your teacher calls out your name. Time for these questions to get answered.

With your palms sweaty, knees weak, and arms spaghetti, you reach for your test paper, and before turning it over, you hear: “Only a 96%! Come on, I could have done so much better,” “I am such a failure, how did I miss one point!” You flip your paper over, no longer being able to bear the suspense, to find a big fat 70 smiling back up at you.

Have you been in a similar situation before? Don’t lie, I know you have, and if you somehow haven’t, well, it’s going to come up eventually. Disappointment is something all humans face and a growth mindset is something many people preach. However, like many things, dealing with disappointment is easier said than done – let alone reflecting on your mistakes and persevering when times are tough. Now, I’m not a teacher here to lecture you about this being the result of your own choices or telling you not to compare yourself to others. Instead, I want you to be aware of things you can and cannot control—understand that shortcomings will occur and not to give up when they do. This, my friends, is no easy task.

Now let’s address the current problem at hand: unintentional comparison. The remarks of your classmates made, not necessarily in the manner to harm you, may seem discouraging, but you must remember that everyone has their ups and downs. It may seem as through you have more downs than ups but in actuality you are probably placing a bit too much emphasis on the bad experiences in your life than the good. To change this, simply alter your perspective on how you view your experiences. Of course, easier said than done, but you must realize that other people don’t have the same circumstances as you do, so how can you compare yourself to them? Try to think about it logically, how can you expect two separate scenarios to have the same output? That’s right you can’t because different choices are made in each scenario. Going back to the example, the situation where you classmates were yelling out their scores that they weren’t proud of should affect you in a way that makes you doubt your own abilities as separate choices leading up to the test, to study or to not study, were made. Now you might bring up the point that some people never study or pay attention in class, yet seem to magically pull out the knowledge to ace the test out of thin air. This again is due to choices and different factors all played out in the past scenario. No one is born with knowledge so these people must have encountered it in the past. No shame whatsoever if this is your first time dealing with this content as this is what school is for at the end of the day. Everyone’s scenarios in the past and future are different from each other, which is what makes us unique and allows us to enjoy life as without grief there is no happiness. So in sum, learn from your mistakes rather than being anxious over them; improve on yourself rather than giving in and stating that you’re just dumb (which isn’t true in the slightest) because other people had better grades than you. Pause to reflect on your situation and what scenario occurred in the past and what are some better choices you can make in the future! 

Now let’s get on with the lead-up to the exam. Hypothetically, let’s say you had many other activities you were preoccupied with and had barely enough time to squeeze in studying for your test. This could have been a reason behind the whooping 70% on your test as you had virtually no time to prepare due to activities and immense procrastination. In this situation, you cannot control certain activities you must attend,  say, a volleyball game or math competition, but you can control how you manage your time when you’re not doing these activities. It can be easy to spiral into a social media rabbit hole when you’ve just completed a hard task, but you must keep the momentum of your sharp, focused brain by avoiding distractions and feeding into your temptations. This requires discipline. Hmm…discipline is a big and scary word. Instead, let’s call it “drive.”

“Drive” is what propels you, no matter how tired you are, to continuously put your maximum effort into whatever you do. So how do we get this “drive?” Well, picture your future self: What is your occupation? What do you want to be able to do when you’re older? Work in healthcare? Travel the world? Treat yourself and your parents (and maybe your nagging little sibling as well) to luxurious goods and services? Think with detail and visualize vibrantly, for example, your future self heading into a Michelin-star restaurant, knowing you can afford it. Once you have an idea of what you want your ideal future to be, you must realize that no one in this entire universe can make that possible except for you. Let that sink in. We can get lost in doom-scrolling through YouTube, trying to live our “dream life” through other people’s experiences, but once you realize you can make those dreams you want so badly a reality–those dreams you’re willing to delay just to relive them now through other people’s experiences– then you, my friend, have found your drive. Now every time you catch yourself levitating toward the TV or watching just one more video, remember your drive and why you are working hard in the first place. 

Now that we’ve got your intentions set straight, let’s get back to tackling the next hurdle: your reaction to disappointment. Of course, you will feel horrible when something unexpected happens. But this is life! Nothing is scripted, and think about it, if life were to always go your way, what would be the point of trying? My tip is to try and discern a lesson or two from experiences that both go your way and experiences that don’t. In this case, this test score was just a wake-up call to get your act together and prioritize this subject over procrastination since procrastinating will not get you any further towards your dream life. As simple as that! Now comes the hard part, implementing it. Yes, this will be hard and your distractions will be more than provoking. However, I believe that if you really want something, you will try as hard as possible to achieve it. So if you REALLY want that life of yours I had you daydreaming about, then you better work! 

Last, but certainly not least, your mindset. As I’ve said many times throughout this article, disappointment is inevitable and everyone faces ups and downs in their life. Yes, having your drive is important, but it is also just as important to forgive yourself when you make mistakes so you can move on from them. Now you don’t want to be too easy on yourself and just say, “oh yeah, I was busy with this other thing so I didn’t get around to studying.” This is a lame excuse and you are only lying to yourself and in the long run, you will only be hurting yourself. In sum, make sure you aren’t giving into procrastination all the time–it’s good to catch a break but consider your priorities because that dream life isn’t going to make itself. Conversely, you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself and constantly have this pang of guilt within you every time you’re not studying as this isn’t directly contributing to your dream life. 

Resting is just as important as running. Remember The Tortoise and the Hare story when you were a kid? Well here is the lesson to be applied: by giving yourself a rest, you may move at a slower pace, however, in the long run, you will outrun those who overwork themselves and inadvertently drive themselves into mental breakdowns. It is important we give ourselves breaks, but make sure not all your breaks fall into the category of 5 hours binge-watching your favorite TV show. Instead, as an alternative to a screen when you’re feeling angsty and tired, try spending time with your family or going out for a walk once in a while – trust me, your body will thank you for that later! 

And there you are! Not a recipe for success, but a foundation for a happy life that starts here, right now, with you in charge. You are so strong and capable of anything you put your mind to; it can truly be surprising what a little time and lots of effort can get you. I will leave you with this quote, “I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent— no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.” 

Gia, out (mic drop). 

Work Cited

Unknown. (2024, May 26). STOIC quotes on Challenges & Adversity: The best stoicism sayings & phrases. Stoic Simple |. https://www.stoicsimple.com/stoic-quotes-on-adversity-the-best-stoicism-sayings-phrases/#:~:text=Stoic%20Quotes%20on%20Challenges%20%26%20Adversity%20from%20Seneca,have%20never%20lived%20through%20misfortune.