Previously published Feb 26. 2021

We all have heard of the major event on the 20th of January—the inauguration of President Joseph R. Biden Jr. as the 46th president of the United States of America, featuring the first-ever U.S. Youth Poet Laureate and the youngest poet ever to grace the stage of any presidential inauguration—the fabulous Amanda Gorman. However, another major event occurred closer to home—the time-honored tradition of Senior Ditch Day. Seniors typically skip an entire day’s worth of classes in favor of frolicking, fun, and unforgettable memories. This year due to the abysmal COVID-19 pandemic, Ditch Day was unfortunately confined to the 11-to-15-inch computer screens of Bobcats throughout the valley and beyond.

Much to the seniors’ chagrin, their clandestine plot to shock their teachers with their absence was leaked by a yet-to-be-identified individual via an anonymous tip. The College Counseling department instated a host of asynchronous assignments for sex ed, unintentionally instigating a ditch war. (Pro-tip for teachers: don’t assign work on Ditch Day. It defeats the purpose.)

In fact, it was proposed to extend the ditching to the next day, and, had the seniors not realized that the mole could tip the teachers off again and that this plan was therefore pointless, the whole affair could have turned into an additional week of vacation for the seniors, which would have been detrimental to both teachers and students, derailing teachers’ plans and doubling student workloads for the next week.

So, here are a couple of tips to help future generations’ Ditch Days go down more smoothly.

• Future seniors: don’t inform teachers. It defeats the purpose of Ditch Day and kills the fun. And hopefully, you won’t be ditching during a pandemic and can actually, you know, have a meme-filled day with your friends in real life.
• Teachers: if you do hear talk of surreptitious plans, do not tell us that you know. It defeats the purpose of Ditch Day and kills the fun. It should also be noted that Ditch Day benefits all of you too. Not only will you not have to deal with a class of angsty teenage bags of flesh, but you can also take the time off for your own frolicking and fun or an extended nap in the middle of your day.

If you follow our sage advice, we promise the experience will be very enjoyable.

With love and scorn,
The Seniors
of the class of 2021—the second cohort of Bobcats to graduate unceremoniously, with a life-sized cardboard cutout of their head of school.