Cheeseballs No More – NYC’s Newest Villain

In the streets of New York City, the place where dreams come true and a lactose-intolerant man who eats cheese balls in an orange ski mask can become a viral hero, one individual has risen above all others to finally become the worthy adversary of the legendary Cheeseball Man. 

However, before we get into that, let’s have a quick recap on the Cheeseball Man. Who is this mysterious figure with his jar of cheese balls in Union Square? Now, if you just came from Daksha G.’s article The Phenomenon of the NYC Cheeseball Man, you’d know that Cheeseballman427, later revealed as Youtuber Anthony Po, tried to achieve the impossible: consume an entire jar of cheese balls in front of what felt like the entire population of Times Square while being lactose intolerant—because, clearly, who needs dignity when you’ve got cheese balls?

And consume he did. By the time the crowd had finished chanting his name, nothing but processed cheese dust was left in his jar. I wonder how his toilet is doing. Rumors say it’s still recovering from that fateful day. But let’s stop pondering the state of his toilet (and pray for its survival instead), and jump into the arguably better half of the Cheeseball Man story—the Corn Head.

The great Michael Caine once said: “Some men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.” In this case, this man just wants to watch the cheeseballs burn. Known on Instagram as cornheadkiller and self-declared as “@cheeseballman427’s archenemy,” Corn Head starts off with a bang, his first post being a reel of him burning jars upon jars of cheeseballs while staring deep into the viewer’s soul, swearing vengeance upon the Cheeseball Man. Who hurt this guy? He established his one and only mission: destroy the cheeseballs.

From there, he proceeds to commit the pettiest acts known to mankind within the city of New York. For example, he put a restroom sign on a set of doors behind which was a series of hallways that looked like the backrooms, all leading to dead ends. Then, he recorded the reactions of those desperately seeking relief in a restroom. I can only imagine all the stages of grief the unfortunate victims experienced in the moment when they learned all their efforts to find the restroom had led to this moment of hopelessness and desperation with no toilets to be found. (Seriously, what is it with me and contemplating over toilets?) Another one of his petty crimes included pasting fake soda labels over one of the soda dispensers you’d find at a typical fast food chain. After gleefully performing a switcheroo for all the drinks in the dispenser, Corn Head sat himself down in a corner and waited for the chaos to begin. Seeing the looks of utter confusion on fully grown men’s faces was truly a magnificent sight. In the post, Cheeseball Man commented, “I will end you.” However, is all truly as it seems?

Despite their outward threats and rivalry, Cheeseball Man and Corn Head’s social media activity tells a different story. They both follow each other, regularly liking and commenting on each other’s posts. For all of Corn Head’s passionate declarations of destroying every cheeseball in New York and Cheeseball Man’s vows to stop him, neither has actually made a move to stop the other. Could Cheeseball Man be hinting at something else by posting cryptic messages under videos of burnt cheeseballs? Could there be more to their dynamic than meets the eye? Or could this rivalry lead to something more and hint at a potential enemies-to-lovers story? After all, love and hate can sometimes be two sides of the same processed ball of cheese. Maybe, just maybe, the only thing cheesier than their sworn rivalry is that romantic plot twist waiting to unfold.