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Filled with glittering ball gowns, skin tight bodysuits, and rainbow velcro tights, the BISV Homecoming Dance of 2022 was an event like no other. The sparkling Hollywood theme revealed itself in the glassy sheen of the teachers’ eyes as they watched hundreds of students jump up and down for three hours. A-listers like Timothee Chalamet, Brad Pitt, and Angelina Jolie watched in jealousy as BISV students glided down the paper red carpet, posing in every direction possible.
As the premier reporter of all things BISV, the Bunion snuck its bunion covered feet into the sweaty center of the dance, noting down everything worth seeing. We will be providing a comprehensive review of everything in the dance.
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Food:
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The filmy cheese and ice-cold grapes tasted absolutely divine, especially in the paws of this silly reporter. The BISV staff evidently understands the culinary arts and we rate this a 9.4/10. (0.6 taken off for the exclusion of green grapes)
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Music
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The music strayed to the side and was a little lackluster. Personally, this Bunion reporter hoped for a little more Elvis Presley and a little less everything else. (You ain’t nothing but a hound dog! Crying all the time!) 6.4/10
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Floor texture
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The glossy feel of the gym’s floor was practically titillating. I know faculty has stated we aren’t allowed to walk around barefoot, but as a reporter I had to test out the waters (I rolled EVERYWHERE) 12/10
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The people
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The Bobcats are the most wonderful cats in the world. (11th most wonderful in the human category) The limp flailings of the pulsating mass around me really sums up what it feels like to be an American civilian. 15/10
All in all, Homecoming was a tremendous success (Though we don’t really know for sure based on the ratings as the Bunion writers haven’t taken math since the second grade). We hope to see you at prom! Toodle-loo-loo!
May you always read a Bunion, and never have one.
