Disclaimer: This article will not involve Donald J. Trump, who was recently elected. Neither will it involve Joseph Biden, nor George W. Bush, nor even Ronald Reagan. Much to the surprise/unsurprise of all, in fact, this article will not even involve politics at all. This is a disclaimer that has ended now. It has been declaimed.
What is an election? “Nothing much,” some people say, comfortably residing in electionless city-state-dictatorships. Such peoples, being the clear authorities on what elections are, want you, yes, you, not to have an opinion on the definition of elections. On the other hand, the Webster dictionary, being a trusted advisor on the topic, urges you to trust its own definition of what an election is. They say, and I quote, that an election is “an act or process of electing.” Nonsense. The word itself, non-sense, suggests the senselessness of this nonymity. An election is a sacred ritual that concerns itself not just with small-time political flip-flops, but with the voice of the people themselves, and as a tool for the purpose of upholding democracy, the most sacred of virtues. Now, a king can certainly be elected, but can it be called an election? And what about electing to eat good old fashioned broccoli rather than Doritos New Flavor 500% Electrolytes? This is very healthy for you, but not an election. Choosing an elective does effect much stress on the mind of a student, but is not in any way similar to an election (an election being much less important). An election in these senses can be sensed to be not the more sensible sensations that daily alleviate the senses, but in a sense of the word a more sensational practice. Because you are a sensible person, you would like to hear more about elections, and politics, and the various ways in which the opinions of the people are communicated through the vessels of the politicians. Unfortunately, this is not a political article! Let’s discuss school board elections.
California school board elections are mostly held on cycle. This means that the date on which the arbiters of all things educational are elected happens to coincide with federal or general election dates. This is November. This is around when California’s representatives are elected! We have 52 representatives, too numerous to be listed here, but you can look at a list of them on your local government website! But you want to hear about who controls you, right? Well, not counting the government, unfortunately, the local school district board has no powers of any sort over you. As a private school, we are instead controlled by our head of school, Mrs. Kolb. Unfortunately, there are no elections to be found here! As a principal of utmost caliber and a healthy suspicion of the wiles of children, Mrs. Kolb rules by iron fist and rusted chain. Moving on.
In modern American society, many people are in great fusses and upturns over a critical issue. They rock themselves to sleep and wake themselves to its sound. They scurry and scamper around the great American mill chasing its resolution. They pickle it and rinse it down and forget and remember it in exact 4-year-long cycles. This issue is very important! It is not political at all, and is therefore a safe subject in this article! It is important, however, to speak very vaguely about it, or the nefarious LITTLE BROTHER might inform the authorities that this is a political subject, and therefore forbidden! The authorities might even send me to the non-political gulag, where they send prisoners with decidedly centrist views! In the interest of vagueness, this issue is about choices. When the modern American (neither the post-modern American, nor the antiquated American) receives a ballot so full of choices, why should they be in tumult over a lack? The common complaint is that both choices are controlled by the corporations. And when both the choices presented to you are prescribed by the same will, well, can you really call it a choice? Like picking between asparagus and celery, or money and integrity, or a blue “accept” and grey “reject”, or liberty and death, or food and the newest Teddy Roosevelt Authentic Flesh Plushie, these choices are prescribed by the same physician, so to speak! The process by which these two parties have divided the electoral system, and their wholehearted support of business affairs, can probably be explained to you by somebody else. But it isn’t just the control, no no, it’s this binary of choices that simply doesn’t properly express all the complexity of opinions that the American median voter could have! You look at your ballot, made of fine legal paper, the sort of paper you could divorce someone with, and there are two options: DONKEY, and ELEPHANT. Where, I ask you, is MANTIS SHRIMP? Or TARDIGRADE? Or WEEVIL? Or MOLLUSK? Or PANGOLIN? In fact, you may have the sort of opinion that goes, “Oh, I think these two options are rather so-so. I would prefer to express a discontent towards both parties without simply supporting one or the other.” And another voter, possibly even the VERY SAME VOTER in a different election, may say to themselves, “Well, both these parties are just so lovely! I must make such a choice that makes it instantly obvious how much I appreciate all the hard work both of these parties have been putting in to make this country so lovely and peaceful!” And in this instance, your life is most likely lovely and peaceful! You wake up to the sound of birds and greet strangers with a smile! In other words, you are a very friendly and enjoyable person to be around! Anyways. A third voter, maybe even the dastardly MEDIAN VOTER, might think to themselves, “Who are any of these people? Why should I care about them? I must submit an option that expresses at once my complete apathy for both these parties!” In other words, your extremist apathy might in itself be classified as a political opinion, due to sheer strength of non-will. A fourth voter might even think to themselves, “I am not eligible to vote.” They will then go home and think about identity and why they were referred to as a “voter” at all. They will be greatly confused, and will know nothing. But you probably see now that there can be such a great number of opinions on voting, that a simple ballot will not do. Not at all. However, as of right now, 2026, the year of our Lord, Annos Domini, C.E, the fifth vernal equinox of the twenty-eighth lunar portent, this is precisely the manner in which “to do” is “to done.” So, in other “done” countries, what is “of do”? In Australia, there are quite a number of voters, which means “voters” in Australian. They participate in instant-runoff elections, where each election cycle, the worst candidate is kicked out and presumably devoured by the others. Their votes are allocated to the others, and the process is repeated until a clear winner is determined. This victor is sort of like a king, but with the powers of a president. They rule over Australia until they die, or their term limit is over. So, is this a better system? Who knows. This determination is left as an exercise to the reader. Is it even possible to design the perfect voting system? Kenneth Arrow says no. This is an issue that should be thought about, deeply, possibly with rabbit’s feet and magic 8 balls and other luck-based artifacts. If you do this, it will make you look crazy, and also very wise. However, if you look closely at the title of the article, you’ll see that it says “reflections”. Has anybody ever made something titled “reflections” and actually said anything meaningful? Definitely not me. Article ending here.
Work Cited:
“Rules Governing School Board Election Dates and Timing in California.” Ballotpedia, 2021, ballotpedia.org/Rules_governing_school_board_election_dates_and_timing_in_California. Accessed 26 Jan. 2026.
