Previously published Oct. 30, 2020
Disclaimer: The Bunion is not responsible for any bad grades, missed homework, and/or angry teachers. May you always read a Bunion and never have a bunion.
Have you ever wondered why teachers come late to class? There are endless possibilities swimming behind this deeply philosophical question. Is it due to a psychotic fish corpse, having escaped from the asylums of Dr. Seuss’s book of nightmares? One fish, two fish, red fish, blue Fish…I shudder just thinking about it. Or is it the distant call of the North from a lonely mountain, beckoning teachers from all lands for academic companionship. Here’s where I come in, Dr. Grinchwho Cindy Lu. I’ve researched this dilemma for many decades, and I’ve finally been able to compile a few theories for you.
Theory #1: The Rampaging Tree
One fateful day, Dr. Parson arrived late to his Period 2 class that year. He told the students that the reason behind this was due to the fact that he was searching up eco-friendly ways to get rid of a bug from one of the trees in his yard. Dr. Parson also commonly has these internet issues. So why do these happen? The answer is Dr. Parson’s trees. For example, his trees may have cut down his WiFi temporarily because they were mad he wasn’t spending time with them (Trees have very fragile personalities, mind you. They just don’t like to show it.). Falling over and causing power outages are only a few ways that trees throw temper tantrums. If Dr. Parson’s trees are often angry, then it would also make sense why he would use a virtual background: to hide the rampaging trees in the background.
Theory #2: Mr. Nielsen
A problem that happens often for Mr. Nielsen is that his Wifi either is very slow or just cuts out entirely. But why does this happen? The most logical explanation would be because of his internet provider. However, there is most definitely a supernatural cause behind this seemingly innocent issue. A ghost is said to haunt his house. A pale blue banshee with porcelain skin and features not dissimilar to that of famous movie star, Benedict Cumberbatch. This fair lady used to dwell in the gardening hose, but a previous owner of the house mercilessly swapped out the garden hose, demolishing the ghost’s home and all that it has ever known. Because of this, the ghost has been exacting vengeance on the people living in that very house. The ghost has been around for quite a while, so it knows how important WiFi and the Internet is to people today. Because of that, it purposely slows down the WiFi, and sometimes even disconnects it. It’s interference is not only limited to technical problems for our already not so tech savvy basis staff, as it can cause a large variety of problems for people, such as breaking objects and messing up organized folders. Thankfully, it still can’t mess with computer files and tabs, or else that would be an entire extra level of trouble.
