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Back to School: Heat Waves!

Previously Published Sep. 22, 2022

Scott Street is playing on your phone, scrunchie is wrapped safely around your head– WHAM!  A blast of hot air almost melts your face off. As temperatures statically hovered around the 90-degree range, we at the Bunion headquarters wanted to remind readers to stay strong in the face of adversity. As our beloved CEO and father figure, Ronald D. Pumps stated, “The concept of BISV warming was created by and for the teachers in order to make BISV manufacturing non-competitive.” BISV warming might be a foreign concept to most, but for BASIS Independent students, it is their bane of existence. Think so-hot-it’s-unbearable, but hotter. We believe that these heat signals are direct messages from our local deity, Ryan Reynolds. Here at the Bunion, we unicellularly worship and follow his majesty. Trusting in this heat will only bring us prosperity, luck, and unlimited boxes of Milano cookies. Carbon and dioxide are simply pretty words, false and empty promises. Greenhouse gas emissions? A euphemism for the bathroom. Ignore these ignorant and biased claims for you and your grandmother’s sake! We at the Bunion believe in letting you form your own beliefs, however, and will be linking heinous information from the other side down below for your own benefit. Think leerily and peruse suspiciously!

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Source two:

May you always read a bunion and never have one! Bunion out.

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