If there’s one thing I’m passionate about, it’s nuts (one could say that I’m going nuts over nuts). Nuts have been my go-to snack for the past year, whether it’s raw (sometimes in the shell), salted, sweetened, or in a pack of trail mix. If you were to count the number of times I’ve eaten every type of food over the past year, nuts would probably come up at the top. You’ll often see me in the corner of the senior lounge or at home, hunched over a small bag of almonds or cashews and stuffing my mouth so quickly that one would wonder how I even have time to chew in between bites.
You get it now. I really like nuts. At this point, you could call me a nut aficionado. With all my experience tasting the good and the bad in them, you can trust me to give you a comprehensive ranking of every nut that’s worth emotionally investing in. I did all of the shell-cracking and jaw-straining work beforehand so that you don’t have to, so all you have to do is sit back, relax, and judge me accordingly. Without further ado, here is my extremely unbiased ranking of nuts.
- Pistachios: 3/10
Last on my list is pistachios. This might come as a surprise to many people, but they simply don’t stand out to me. The only reason they’re even remotely appealing is because of their sneaky marketing strategy. Without the aestheticization of their green color and niche ice cream flavor, they’d be blending into the background. While some people might find their uniqueness appealing, I find them to be a little bit overrated.
For starters, why are they so salty? Alright, I admit that I might be a little bit biased because the only pistachios I’ve really eaten are the ones in those big bags from Costco, but even the unsalted ones seem to have a suspiciously salty tang to them. I am looking for nuts, not a salt lick.
If they were slightly more convenient to eat, then perhaps I would’ve given a higher ranking, but the entire process of cramping my fingers to pry open the shell really ruins the snacking experience.
Aside from the mediocre taste, pistachios are not the healthiest nut. Of course, all nuts contain fats, but pistachios stand higher among most nuts in their fat concentration. Along with the high fat concentration, pistachios offer a lot of fiber, so don’t eat too many. Otherwise, you might exacerbate some digestive issues. Yeah…not desirable.
- Brazil Nuts: 3/10
I’m scared of Brazil nuts. The fact that eating just over 3 Brazil nuts in a day could put you at risk for selenium poisoning makes each bite feel like a calculated risk, so I tend to stay away from them.
- Peanuts: 4/10
Much like pistachios, peanuts have become a sort of nut celebrity thanks to the relentless marketing of peanut-flavored snacks. From Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups to Nutter Butter Sandwich Cookies, peanuts and peanut butter have become one of the hallmarks of the American snack industry. That’s a disappointment for the 6 million Americans who are allergic to peanuts, and for me. I can’t believe that something as unhealthy, oily, and sensorily unpleasant as peanut butter could rise to snack fame. Every encounter with peanut butter feels like a fight for my life as I struggle to swallow and clean the sticky, stubborn remnants from my teeth.
Even without their glorified, butter-ified mask, peanuts are not the best choice. Like many of the lower-ranking nuts on this list, they have a sharp, bitter flavor when eaten raw. While we’re on the topic of raw peanuts, I should also mention that people, even those who are not allergic, commonly choke on peanuts. According to the British Columbia Children’s Hospital, peanuts are the most common nuts found in the bronchi, and they create more bronchial inflammation than any other food. There is something deeply unsettling about knowing that you will probably choke on peanuts, whether you’re eating them raw or from a can of peanut butter. If you don’t want to end up hacking your own lungs as you try to cough out peanut fragments, then I suggest you stay away at a friendly distance.
The only thing saving the peanut ranking is nostalgia and memories. The buckets of free peanuts at the Texas Roadhouse I visited with my parents hold a special place in my heart, but even that could introduce an argument on consumption and environmental damage. I’ll save you the ethical spiral.
- Pumpkin Seeds: 4.5/10
Pumpkin seeds aren’t nuts, but that’s the case with the majority of the “nuts” on this list, so I’m going to include them anyway. The fact that the bag of pumpkin seeds in my snack cabinet is always full speaks for itself. It truly reflects how rarely I choose to eat them when given the option.
I don’t have anything against the health aspects of pumpkin seeds. In fact, they’re actually a pretty good source of magnesium, a mineral that’s often lacking in Western diets. The antioxidants and zinc also make them valuable for heart health and even for reducing the risk of certain types of cancers.
My problem comes with the taste. The bitter taste doesn’t pair well with the sweet balance I’m looking for in my yogurt, trail mix, and granola. They always add a lingering bitterness that creeps up on you when you’re least expecting it. Along with the unsatisfying, small size that reduces the crunchiness I look for in my nuts, pumpkin seeds are generally disappointing in their execution. I usually opt for other nuts.
- Walnuts: 5/10
I don’t really have much to say about walnuts because they taste so…bland. I’m not attracted to their earthy and bitter aftertaste because it makes me keenly aware of the fact that I’m eating a walnut. However, they rank slightly higher than pumpkin seeds because they are at least larger and crunchier.
Perhaps walnuts taste obnoxiously healthy because they are healthy. They have a large amount of magnesium and copper, and they have more omega-3 fatty acids than any other nut! Apparently, adding some walnuts to your diet can help reduce blood pressure and bad cholesterol while boosting cognition and brain health.
There’s certainly no harm in eating a couple of walnuts every day, but you certainly won’t find me doing that. Plus, they’re shaped like brains, which is slightly unsettling to me. Sorry…
- Hazelnuts: 6/10
My thoughts on hazelnuts follow much of the same logic as my take on peanuts. My only memories of eating hazelnuts are ones of excess, with processed sugar in the form of Nutella jars and Ferrero Rochers. I only ranked hazelnuts higher on the list because I think they taste better than peanuts (as I mentioned earlier, this is an “extremely unbiased” ranking of nuts) and because they usually contain less overall fat than other nuts when eaten dry-roasted or raw. Otherwise, they’re not extremely outstanding in any way for me.
- Macadamia Nuts: 6.5/10
Ah, yes, the nuts that remind me of palm trees and muumuu dresses. In my mind, there is always a correlation between macadamia nuts and either the blue Mauna Loa packaging, the pineapple-shaped Honolulu cookies, or the Hawaiian Host chocolates. These were my first experiences with macadamia nuts, which left a delicious and lasting impression.
In addition to their favorable connection to Hawaii, macadamia nuts taste like a trip to dessert-level paradise. I’m a huge fan of those little, rotund, white balls and their buttery, creamy taste. If you were to close your eyes while chewing on one, you probably wouldn’t even know you were eating a nut at all. The subtle and delicate sweetness adds that final, finishing touch that makes eating macadamia nuts the epitome of a finger-licking-good experience. One could go so far as to say that eating a macadamia nut is a sensual experience, one where you’re alone in a room with the decadent richness and melt-in-your-mouth texture of pure indulgence.
Alright, enough with the weird food worship. In all seriousness, macadamia nuts probably have one of the highest fat contents among common nuts. However, they compensate for this in their relatively low carbohydrate concentration and high amounts of vitamin B1, manganese, and copper. If you’re looking for a delicious, low-carb (but high-fat) snack option, then macadamia nuts are the perfect choice for you.
- Pecans: 6.5/10
Pecans are equivalent to fall. Fall is my favorite season. Pecans get a high ranking. Need I say more? No, but I will for the sake of “professionalism.”
There’s just something about the brittle crunchiness and mildly smoky-to-sweet tang that makes pecans so irresistible. Especially when coated in the right amount of brown sugar and cinnamon, they make for the perfect, cozy afternoon snack that feels like a warm hug on a chilly, autumn day. Their flavor is usually overpowered by the abundance of processed sugar and butter in pies and other popular desserts. Still, the experience of eating fresh, raw pecans is just as satisfying. So while those baking projects are underway, I suggest trying pecans as individual snack options every now and then to taste their merits without the artificial, in-your-face sweetness of pecan-flavored desserts.
- Pine Nuts: 7/10
As we get closer to the top of the list, I can already feel the suspense building up (can you?). Before we get into the top three finishers, let me introduce you to the runner-up to the podium: pine nuts.
It always surprises me when people say they haven’t tried pine nuts. You might not know it, but you most likely have unconsciously tried them if you’ve ever eaten pesto. While they are a little less mainstream than some of the other nuts you may have heard of, they are nevertheless a quiet staple you should know about. They’ve got that smooth, rich, and buttery flavor that makes them the perfect addition to any salad or pasta recipe.
- Chestnuts: 7.5/10
Now, we move on to the top three nut competitors. In third place, we have chestnuts. Even when I was making this list, I didn’t think that chestnuts would make it into my top three. It’s always funny how things turn out, isn’t it? Only as I started making this list did I realize my strong affinity toward chestnuts.
In a way, they’re similar to pecans because of their undeniable correlation with winter and Christmas. Many people would agree with me when I say that there’s a definite association between chestnuts and “The Christmas Song.” Just close your eyes, and you’ll be able to hear Frank Sinatra’s velvety voice as he sings, “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.”
Even away from the commercialized influences of Christmas, in the more bitter and harsh conditions of a Beijing winter, chestnuts hold the same symbolic presence in my heart. I can almost smell the charred, caramel-y aroma of those iconic roasted chestnuts sold from roadside carts. On a dreary winter day, chestnuts are the perfect treat for a moment of comfort and sweet warmth. Not only is their sweet-potato-like flavor extremely delicious, but they also have very little fat compared to other nuts.
Although they don’t enjoy the popularity of almonds or pistachios, they nevertheless deserve a top place in your diet. Next time you make Brussels sprouts or mushroom soup, try adding a couple of chestnuts. Beware, though, because you might not be ready for the absolute explosion of flavors your mouth is about to experience.
- Cashews: 8/10
Moving on, we have cashews in second place. Cashews are so delicious and versatile, so it’s no surprise that they’re found almost everywhere, from milk to ginger-cashew chicken salads. For that same reason, I love grabbing a handful of cashews whenever I need to satisfy my bottomless hunger. I can always count on cashews, with their mildly sweet and almost milky taste, to satisfy both my sweet and savory cravings.
However, I will admit that cashews aren’t the healthiest nut option. While they have benefits like healthy fats, protein, and fiber, they are particularly high in saturated fat compared to other nuts, which can increase cholesterol. If you’re going to start snacking on cashews after reading this article, I’d suggest eating them in moderation. Don’t go absolutely nuts with it.
- Almonds: 9/10
Alright, this is the moment we’ve all been waiting for. In first place, we have…drumroll please…ALMONDS! Call me basic, but they’re popular for a reason. You simply can never go wrong with these teardrop-shaped gems of happiness. Just like cashews, almonds are extremely flexible in their presentation. Whether you want a thickly sugar-coated almond croissant for breakfast, a nostalgic Almond Joy to start the Halloween season off, or a fancy trout almondine for a classy French dinner, almonds always deliver.
Almonds have especially exploded in popularity over the past couple of years, as companies have scrambled to outcompete each other in making “healthy” almond snacks. There have been more honey-roasted, chocolate-covered, and matcha-flavored almonds in the snack industry than ever.
While their almond hype is certainly a little exaggerated, it isn’t without reason. Almonds are rich in healthy fats, fiber, protein, vitamin E, magnesium, and antioxidants, making them great supporters of heart health and brain function. Additionally, almonds can nourish your skin and hair. Who knows? If you start eating almonds now, you might boast a headful of luscious hair like the Beast from Beauty and the Beast in a couple of months. However, like all nuts, almonds are high in fat and calories, so be mindful of how many you eat in one sitting.
And with that, we conclude the ultimate nut ranking of 2025. Each nut presented its best qualities, but some nuts clearly rose above the rest. If you’re ever in an urgent snack emergency, consider grabbing a handful of nuts. Regardless of which ones you choose, I’m sure you will be going back for more.
