(Source: pickpik.com)
“Why’s the ice shooting people dead? Why are they hating immigrants?”
– A similarly confused fool
Note from author: This is a fictionalized account of a former Trump supporter with a lack of thorough understanding of his agenda.
Our modern age has come with numerous benefits. For example, instead of worrying about paying bills, I can worry about my Twitter account instead, ensuring I am never out of style. Instead of visiting my parents in the room adjacent to mine, I can instead visit my online “friends,” who enjoy political discourse to the extent of telling their own “friends” of how I “suck,” whatever that means.
Unfortunately, I voted for President Donald Trump in all three elections that he had appeared in. My parents and friends were all upset at me, but I had my own reasons for my decision. First, he promised to remove the immigrants in my neighborhood, which was very helpful because I was quite done with my new neighbors. Also, he promised to stop foreign goods from entering our country, which is very nice, because I didn’t like the words “Made in China” since I firmly stand by the belief that those words are overused in my life, meaning that I could do with less of “Made in China” and more of “Made in the U.S.”
Anyways, despite the numerous promises Trump had made, I was still unsatisfied with his coverage of issues. Although there are now fewer homeless people on my roof and my new phones no longer display “Made in China,” he has left a massive issue unanswered. I even called him to make sure he was doing it correctly, but, much to my horror, it turns out he has misinterpreted my request so badly that I am, to this day, no longer a Red Team member.
Ever since Trump’s presidential campaign began back in 2016, I have personally been sending mail to him about my refrigerator. I was asking him about how it is now, ever since it was captured in an FBI raid on my grandpa’s home. Despite the incident occurring almost a hundred years ago, I still believe that the government owes me my fridge. Unfortunately, I would not get a direct reply from him for years.
Trump finally replied to my letters during the 2024 presidential campaign, promising numerous policies that would help me and my “friends.” This time, he promised the many changes that I had always called for, such as the “no made in China” policy. And then, he promised something about “ice,” which I presumed to be the return of federally captured refrigerators. I shouldn’t have trusted him on this.
Instead of returning my veteran fridge, Trump sent people after my neighbors and such, calling them “illegal aliens” despite appearing perfectly human to me. It was quite the travesty, especially since I loved my old neighbors, regardless of whether they loved me back or not. To add insult to injury, they even cleverly described their officers as part of “ICE,” or the “Immigrant and Customs Enforcement.” Even if they didn’t intend to mock my long-lost fridge, I wasn’t going to let it stand.
However, before deciding to go on a rampage, I wanted to see if he was even worthy of redemption. I sent him a letter, which was presumably the optimal method of communication for presidents in this modern age. After drafting my letter warning him to return my fridge, I waited for days for a response. And so, he responded.
His response came in the form of public news. After checking various sources for his response, such as the radio, my mailbox, and even my toaster for any information, I had finally found it. After turning on my television for the fourth day of this cycle, the exciting wait for “BREAKING NEWS” has finally ended. My response from Trump had arrived.
What was displayed on the television shocked me. Instead of sending “ICE” to my house, Trump instead went after some nobody named “Alex Pretti” and had ICE shoot him dead. I was shocked by the death of someone I had not heard of before, and I can’t bear to imagine what he would do to a nobody like me in contrast with someone like him. What was more upsetting, however, was the fact that Trump is more concerned about sending ICE to another person instead of me. After all, it is quite devastating to have the government send an icebox to the wrong person and express their anger by killing someone else.
Furthermore, given the anonymity of everyone online, I would live in the fear of losing someone with whom I may have talked. I enjoyed every last one of my friends’ discussions online, however harsh they were, and I’m certain they also enjoyed it with me. When they would deactivate their accounts or stop talking to me, I couldn’t bear the burden. It was alarming to me to see someone disappear from the internet, without anyone else knowing if they’re even alive or not.
At this point, I should quit hoping. Although ICE did get more funding and thus increased the chances that I would get my fridge back, enough time has passed to convince me that it’s just not going to happen. More of my neighbors and friends are disappearing, and soon enough, I may be next. And so, after writing my grievances down here, I suppose I should also prepare to leave this place that’s already abandoned humans like me.
